Okay. I’m 11.. Its not finished.. What do you think?
Here I am walking to school with my two bestfriends,Demi and Ellie.Demi is a cute gothic girl..She has long black shiny hair down to her bum,Shes really really skinny.. Thin a pin, and she has pale white skin and wears lots of mascara and blood red lipstick.Ellie is my other equally bestfriend, she’s a real girly girl and she is Drop Dead Gorgeous! She has long blonde hair down her back,And she is also thin as a pin! She is a really good friend but shes a bit spoilt, She lives with her mum and she works for a designer kids clothing company so she always gets lots of discounts on bag,shoes,clothes and accessories for Ellie.Then theres me..Plain Plump Little Shannon, I have long wavy brown crazy hair,Little round glasses and I’m round everywhere.. My Bum,Belly,Boobs and even my ankles,Or should I say Kankles!
Were outside the school gates,Its our first day we are in 8th Grade now.Demi is wearing her school uniform that she hates,She is wearing her newly polished low-heeled shoes. Ellie is wearing her uniform too,But she has her skirt turned up so far you can nearly see hear bum! She is wear high-heeled strapless shoes.I’m wearing my uniform aswell, It makes me look so fat! I’m wearing my new little black dolly shoes.They looked pretty at first but now they it looks like my feet are too fat to fit into them..Demi has her hair but in a perfect sitting bun, Ellie has her hair down and staighted,And I have mine up in a ponytail.. Which looks like a horific mess!Its sticking out all shapes and sizes.My step-mum Jenny always does my hair.We never used to be that close but now as I’ve grown up I have learnt to accept the fact that my mum,died and that life goes on..Though I do miss her.She died in a car crash when I was only 4.Ever one says I wouldn’t remember her,but I remember everything about her,Every last little tiny detail.
‘Girls!’ Its miss Blakely, the nicest teacher in the school,shes our art teacher but she helps us anytime. ‘Miss Blakely!’ Says Ellie while filing her newly done acrylic nails.’Hurry up or you will be late its 5 to nine!’
‘Sorry’ We all reply as we hurry to the cloakroom.’Okay,’ Says Miss Blakley smiling.
Wear walking into the class room and everyone runs over to Ellie to see her nails,Miss Taylor Tells us that we can sit where ever we want to Me and Demi run to the very back to save three seats.
I’m looking around the room,Everyone seems so skinny..Not skinny,Skinny Skinny!
‘I get called up by Miss Taylor, She asked me to hand out a pile of leaflets. I read the front, ‘£3 for a swim in the pool at The Harrison Centre 7am – 8.45am, Special opening times for school children,’
Maybe I should go, ‘Hey Ellie,Demi!’ They both come running over to me,’Look they are doing £3 for a morning swim, Specially for school children,’ I say smiling. ‘Hmm..I’m not sure,’ Says Ellie ‘Why?’ Me and Demi say shocked.. ‘So you two are going then?’ ‘Yep!!’ ‘Okay then I’ll join you two!’ ‘Okay!’
We arrange when were going to meet up tomorrow.Then we drop Demi home..Its just me and Ellie now. ‘Why do you wanna go swimming anyway?’ Asks Ellie ‘I’m trying to lose some weight,’ ‘Okay, Have you started a diet yet?’ ‘No?’ I Say ‘Well according to Heat Magazine,The best way to lose weight is to have a healthy and balanced diet!’ Says Ellie reading out some dialog from her magazine ‘Wow,I never knew that!’ I say quickly has a get up to my front door.’Okay then Meet you at the Harrison Centre tomorrow morning at 10 to 7,’ Says Ellie touching up her eye-liner ‘Yeah, Okay Bye!’
I come in a do my stupid maths homework, ‘Hey,Homework?’ Says Jenny in a nice way ‘Yeah Ratio,for godness sake!’ I say ‘Need any help sweetie?’ Asks my dad who is reading a newspaper and drinking coffeé, ‘ No i’m nearly done dad,’ I say trying to be kind as I really don’t trust my dad helping me with my homework! As soon as I finish my homework
Sorry Its so long.. Oh and I just want advise not a full lecture
Well it’s good to start writing when you’re young. As you grow, you’ll keep getting better and better. Good writing takes years of practice, so I’ll give you some opinions as I read what you have here.
First of all, I commend you for sticking to one tense; but at the same time you might want to try writing it in past tense instead. It’s usually easier to start writing in past tense. Second, it’s not terribly important what characters look like. What will keep the reader reading is what happens to the characters. Start it off with a hint of what will happen later in the story – what the main character will be faced with or how they will change. Anyway, a few hints on what to think about when you first start a story.
Keep it up and good luck!